thoughts after yesterday

Yesterday was...well, it was rough.

My first full day of winter break, after the feeling of elation that my finals were over and done with for this semster, I was back in the classroom...my old classroom with special needs students. It was a tiring day, I'm not gonna lie, but I love those kids, and I really did enjoy it...tired feet and body and all.

A shock to my system came when my former coworker, and coworker for the day, tells me that she's heard there's been a school shooting in Connecticut, and that little kids were involved. Shock and horror are my first thoughts, but I still can't quite wrap my head around it. Then, at the end of the school day, I text my friend and current teacher of that classroom (who is on maternity leave) who tells me to love on her babies (her students) for her. I took that comment too lightly, and it hit me later just how lightly I took it. Not being in the classroom every day anymore, I just didn't take it to heart as much as I should have. Now...I get it.

As I walked out of school, there were some teachers gathering in the hallway talking about what had happened, and others were joining the conversation who had not heard. As the shock set in, I couldn't hold back the tears. I was a senior in high school when Columbine happened, I was in China teaching Korean students when Virginia Tech happened...I've had raw emotions after every single instance of senseless violence that's happened in the US in the last 13 years, but this is the first time I actually cried. The emotions really set in as one of the teachers mentioned a dream she had had the night before, that something like this had happened at our school and that she had pushed her mom (who also works at the school) down behind a desk to protect her. Cut to yesterday, where something that was not a dream took place.

I went home in a daze, not wanting to watch the news, but not being able to tear myself away from it. But I also needed to prepare for a Christmas party Raul and I were supposed to attend last night. I went through the motions of getting ready, trying to get in a festive mood...and I wasn't feeling it. Raul got home from work, changed for the party, I was ready to go, but as I watched more of the news...I lost it. The tears came and fell in buckets. To think of those precious children, of their teachers, their parents, the kids left behind who didn't want to leave their friends or didn't understand what was going on...it was just too much.

Raul tried to help me pull myself together, and on the half hour drive to the party, we listed to Christmas music. And one that I am currently a bit addicted to, Baby Boy, came on the mix cd.

If you told me all about your sorrows
I'd tell you about a cure
If you told me you can't fight the battle
There's a Baby Boy who won the war
The war was won by a Baby Boy

Alleluia, we can sing it
Alleluia, Heaven's ringing
Alleluia!
Endless hope and endless joy started with a Baby Boy

I listened to those lyrics and though "How on earth can I feel joy? How can those poor families, those poor children, feel joy?!" But I also knew there was something the Lord wanted me to glean from the song. That last line...endless HOPE and endless JOY started with a Baby Boy. But where on earth was that hope?

 

The party we went to was hosted by a Filipino community in a nearby town. We went last year, but I have to say that I enjoyed myself more this year...and it was on a much smaller scale than last year's. The party began on a somber note, as one of the women took the lead to pray, mentioning the sorrow from the days events, but also adding the fact that hundreds in the Philippines have been killed by a typhoon that recently hit Raul's home island of Mindanao while thousands more have been left homeless. Then, a Filipino friend is currently at home, recovering from recent treatments for leukemia. Despite all those things that she mentioned, her prayer was one of hope, one of joy...for what God has done, what the season means, and the hope that we can find in Him for healing and restoration. It restored my soul. I've often heard that Filipinos are some of the happiest people on the planet, and it's so true. Nothing can revive your soul like a Filipino Christmas party with screaming, laughing children, happiness to see Santa, and adults who enjoy watching their children open gifts and sit on Santa's lap. It amazed me, the joy that was present last night.

 

So, while I feel sadness for all that is wrong with the world, I feel angry at the politics that are being played about gun control and pointing fingers every which way...I also try to remind myself that at this season, we are reminded of God's sovereignty, God's power over all that is wrong with the world. He is the one that can bring joy and peace to a broken world.

 

Alleluia, we can sing it
Alleluia, Heaven's ringing
Alleluia!
Endless hope and endless joy started with a Baby Boy