a first for me

When I was an education major at IWU, I remember a lot of professors in the department encouraging us to add special education as a double major or minor if we felt so led, noting how much it could really help us in the future. I quickly said no, that I felt I didn't have the calling or the patience to go into special ed.

After our first month into being home, I felt a little restless and ready to teach again, so I was really glad when the school district called me and said that everything was set for me to start substitute teaching at the local elementary school. And what was going to be my first classroom to sub for? Special ed :) God *does* have a little chuckle at me sometimes :) Needless to say, I was a little nervous. And, I wasn't given a whole lot of specificis, so I assumed I would be teaching the class. Yeeikes.

So I showed up last Wednesday, and after some confusion, I learned I would be 1 of 2 substitue aides. The way the class works is that there is one teacher and 2 aides for 7 students. At that point, one aide had just quit and another was off for a couple days for a minor surgery. I would be temporarily replacing the one who had quit until the new one one (who had quickly been interviewed and hired; I was impressed) would start a week later. The first day started, and I felt completely like a fish out of water. I tried to help the teacher as much as possible, but really didn't know how to handle these students. To explain a bit more...7 students may not sound like a lot, but in special ed, it can be quite the handful, especially when they're all different ages, abilities, etc. There are a couple students who can't communicate at all, except through making noises (one of which cannot walk on his own). There are 4 with good abilities in communication, but even among the 4 of them, they're all completely different. And then there's a student who...well, honestly, shouldn't be allowed in a public school. A side note: please pray for this student and the teachers who work with him.

By the end of day one, the difficult student had gone on a tirade, the others were bored since they'd been taken out of the classroom during this tirade, and I wasn't really sure if I'd make it another day...not to mention that I was physically and mentally exhausted. And I had a completely new respect for special ed teachers, particularly the one I was working with.

Thursday morning, the aide who'd been out for surgery returned, so things went back to some form of normality...for the teacher and the students. I got more into the routine, was able to start helping a couple of the students with their work, and even started feeling attached to these special kids. When this particular boy would smile at me or hug me, I couldn't help but think "awww!". But this was also the day that the difficult student had such a bad time in the morning that he was taken home by his mom. The rest of the day felt as if a big burden had been lifted.

By Friday, I knew the routine with the students. Two of the students were gone, so it seemed so different in the classroom. I accompanied them to the library and helped them pick out a book each, though none of them have a high reading level. But they love to look at the pictures. The only girl in the class is interested in insects and different kinds of animals. Another boy loves talking about the weather (with all the rain we had last week, that was all he could talk about). And another boy is interested in cars. So I helped him pick out a book on how to draw cars and trucks. He said he wanted me to help him with it later :) So later, he and I had fun learning how to draw different trucks and cars...and I noticed something in this little boy. It wasn't just that he has a disability that hinders him, but his confidence just wasn't there. He would get frustrated with himself when the picture he had drawn didn't look like the one in the book....we stopped for about 10 minutes because he cried over not being able to draw it well. And my heart just broke.

Over the weekend, as I thought more and more about the students, as well as the teacher and the aide I had worked with, I realized how much God had done in my life in just a few days. I went from thinking, "I have no patience to teach these children, I have no idea what I'm doing. How in the world will I do this?" to "I really love this class. If they ever need a sub in this class again, I want to be the first person they call." No one was more surprised than me :) And after hearing all my stories from the first few days (I came home everyday with stories for my parents and Raul), my family was surprised, too. I feel so blessed, and even like a different person now.

Yesterday was my last day with them...for now, and it was sad to leave. The principal of the school and the teacher were both thrilled when I told them I would like to be considered first everytime a sub is needed (got the impression that doesn't happen a lot). I left school yesterday feeling like a different person, a different teacher.

The things China did for me in 5 years...it took 4 days with Life Skills at Park Elem. God really did a work in my heart the past few days.